This started as a joke, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized
it might actually work for a lot of people. Quitters, cheaters, recovering control freaks, and dieting misfits, listen up!
:-)
Rule #1 - You can't set any goals. Goals are for babies
who need an excuse to quit when they don't look like a bodybuilder or swimsuit model after three whole weeks of hard work.
Rule #2 - There is no timeframe. There's no start date.
There's no Week 3, Day Whatever-the-hell. There's no stopping. There's no starting over on Monday. There's no taking a break.
And, get this, there's no end date! What a concept!
Rule #3 - You can't count calories or use nutrition software.
Doing all that math doesn't serve any purpose except to cut into your nap time and interfere with your internet addiction.
Rule #4 - You're not allowed to weigh or measure yourself,
however you can take as many pictures as you want. Take pictures of your arms, your abs, your lunch, your pets, your grocery
cart, the pizza you didn't eat, the co-worker you'd like to punch in the face, the sunset. From now on your camera replaces
your calipers, scale, and tape measure. Photography is very therapeutic. If you're feeling happy or angsty or hungry or enraged,
go capture the moment.
Rule #5 - You can't eat anything you don't like. I MEAN
IT!! No gaggy protein shakes. No rubbery bars. No slimy cottage cheese. No fat-free anything. It's a good idea to eat healthy
stuff, but it has to be healthy stuff that doesn't make you want to vomit and cry.
Rule #6 - You have to eat one piece of really good chocolate
every day... unless you don't like chocolate. (See Rule #5)
Rule #7 - Free days are mandatory. One day a week, you
eat whatever you want, as much or as little as you choose, as healthy or as horrible as you desire. The point is to take one
day a week and not worry one bit about your food.
Rule #8 - You have to eat something ridiculously wrong
twice a week on a non-free day. I'm talking something like a glazed donut, a small order of french fries, or Twinkies out
of a vending machine. For best results, combine your RW with a protein portion - Twinkies and chicken, Pop-Tarts and a protein
shake, Fruity Pebbles and turkey bacon.
Rule #9 - You must do some form of cardio EVERY day, even
if it's just a walk around the block or running some laps from your couch to the refrigerator. If you're going to be having
this much fun with your food, you'd better be moving your ass.
Rule #10 - You must lift heavy things at least 2-3 times
a week. You want to look all buff, right? Lift heavy things and your body and metabolism will transform. Skip the weight training
and you'll be cursed with a dumpy body and the metabolism of a small dead snail.
If you liked this one, you may also want to check out my article BFL for Cheaters and Binge Eaters. It's not going to deliver the same results as Body for Life by-the-book, but it will get you moving in the right direction
and keep you on the program. You can always tighten things up once you're feeling more stable and motivated.
